Snow day...

Friday February 22, 2008....

10 inches of snow leads to so many smiles. My phone made a buzzing sound at 5:30am. At first I thought it was part of my dream, but it wasn't. I groggily woke up and in the pre dawn, I listened to the message of "school is closed due to inclement weather." I smiled. I looked outside and saw the snow coming down. The purity of the snow sparkled at me even in the early morning. I prayed the Fajr, thanked God, shut off my alarm, and slept until Noon.

I greeted my parents with a smile. I was especially happy because I had two humongo tests, even though I studied for 7 hours the day before-- snow still saved the day. I supremely lucked out.

:D

Even better.... I had the most awesome snowball fight with my brother and his friend. My team totally made them eat snow. Which was soon followed by the hottest and chocolateist hot chocolate ever.

So, dear Snow Day, its been a pleasure. Please come again more often... I hardly see you m'love.

In my memory....

It was very hard to write about my Tayta's death. I spent several hours writing this. Truthfully, words cannot describe it.


One week ago on Sunday February 10, 2007 at 4:45pm my beloved grandmother departed from this life.

She had been ill with cancer for approximately 2 months before she died at age 76. My Tayta lived a long, hard, but very happy life. She always loved to be around her people and always went with a smile on her face. She was everyone's friend, mother, sister and grandmother. She never spoke a mean word and kept her dislikes to herself. She was beautiful.

For three days before her passing, she was very ill. We were by her bedside nonstop, because her energy level was dropping. She had no more physical strength and only used it when she sat up from her bed to do her Namaz, as-salaat.

The night before her death, I showed her the picture of the my newborn cousin, Noor. She cried out, "MashAllah! MashAllah!" It was the last true smile and the last voiced out words I heard from my Tayta. We also told her that my uncle was coming the next day from Missouri. With a smile, she nodded.

Sunday started as a beautiful day. And my Tayta got steadily worse. We gave her painkillers and drops of water to avoid her mouth from drying. We continually checked her blood pressure but, we couldn't get a reading because it was very low. We continually checked her feet to see if it was cold to the touch. Her left foot was cold.

Her eyes started to linger on people or objects. We hardly understood what she was trying to say. We think she started to see beyond. She would look in my direction, but not at me. Several times, she said, "kahwa". Coffee. She might have been telling me get coffee for my mothers friends, or she might have been telling someone else kahwa. She prayed her last salaat, the Dhur at around 2:00.

I cleaned her face and hands with a moist Wet One. She gave me a look of thanks and I kissed her cheeks.At 3:00pm, I told my grandmother that my uncle is coming in a half hour. She looked out the window. And told my mom she wanted my uncle, her youngest son, to read Surat Yasin. We said he would. He arrived at 3:35.

The weather turned blustery cold and snow was swirling in all directions. She asks my uncle how is his family, his wife, son and newborn daughter. He answers that they are all fine. As my uncle was making wudu my Tayta informed us at 3:45 that she had one hour left. She either told us she had one hour or told whoever she saw to give her one hour.

She reads Yasin with my uncle. At this point she is ripping the oxygen tubes away from her face. She kisses my mom's hand. Though she often said that she kisses her mothers hands before she goes to sleep. We gather around her bed and I'm on the phone with the nurse. We know her time is coming, but desperately I ask for help. She starts saying "La-illah-il Allah.." And my mother, father, uncle, my brothers, and 3 of my mother's friends start to say it with her, "La-illah-il Allah, La-illah-il Allah, La-illah-il Allah." Desperately we say it loud, but she motions for us to say it slowly and in normal tones. My uncle holds her eyes shut while my mother holds her mouth/jaw.

She dies peacefully with Allah's name on her lips. It's 4:45 and the wintry blustery wind dies down. It was quick and quite beautiful.

She wasn't afraid. Her faith carried her beautifully from this life. She waited for the new baby and for the arrival of my uncle. It was the most remarkable(?) moment of my life. She was absolutely loved by all. The kindness she bestowed to everyone is reflected by the kindness we receive from everyone. Kind words, messages, phone calls, and tons of food make the sorrow in our hearts lessen. On behalf of my family- an eternity of thanks.

We know she is in a better more beautiful place. Already, some relatives see my Tayta, Allah yirhamha, in their dreams. She is comfortable, al7amdulilah.

The toughest days for me were the day before she died, the day of her death and the 2 days that followed. I only functioned on pure adrenaline and the need to do something. I have since returned to classes and work. Going back to routine and normal life helps keep the grief off my mind. My job now is to take care of my mother, my family and myself. She is my example of strength, goodness, faith and hope.

If I can be a quarter of the woman she is, I'll be very happy. May God give me strength to move on with my life with the excellent example of my grandmother, my Tayta, Allah yirhamha.

#27...

Welcome Baby Girl!!

My ill grandmothers youngest grandchild was born today at 4:05 CST to my maternal uncle and his wonderful wife. Weighing in at 7.5 pounds, Baby Nour joins the family as a little bundle of smiles and hope (and has even gained the 'approval' of the newly made older brother). In my family's darkest hour she is a source of happiness & sunshine to everyone around her. My grandmother is at peace and is happier than she has been in a while when she saw this precious face....



May Allah bless her and may she continue to be the bringer of smiles to everyone she knows, Amin.

Strength...

There is two kinds of it. Physical strength and mental strength. Many people define strength as how much they can benchpress or how long the can run. Others like to equate strength with their morality. The dictionary defines strength as, "the quality or state of the being strong or mental force/vigor ". No definition is incorrect.

I would like to define strength based on my grandmother. She is the epitomy of strength. She accepted her fate of death from cancer. Death is something that we all know is near and fear. My dear Tayta is ready for it. However, she is in undeniable and in horrible pain. Her cancer is an aggresive killer shutting down her system. She is bed-ridden and we hover around her and talk in hushed tones. She is not eating or drinking water and only communicates with pointing her hands. Her cancer makes her vomit frequently and the morphine and other painkillers she is on makes her very tired and sleepy.

Yet, in spite of all this, she fights to pray. She has enough courage and strength to let her do her duties. Her face is at peace when she finishes her prayers in bed. She is probably saving her energy for when her sons come from Syria to see her, (InshAllah, in time!). She is probably at peace to know her youngest grandchild, Baby #27, will be born tomorrow. She even has enough strength to keep a sense of humor.

Its not easy to leave your most loved ones. Yet, my Tayta is teaching us how to do it with grace, faith and strength. I only ask God to give my Tayta, His most loyal follower, additional strength to ease her greatest suffering.

Happy Groundhogs Day

Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow.

Its an Old German superstition that has become tradition in the states. The tradition is if a hibernating animal like the groundhog sees its shadow on February 2nd, winter will last for 6 more weeks. If the groundhog does not see its shadow, spring will come earlier that year.

So, Phil saw his shadow and winter will last for 6 more weeks. Happy Groundhogs Day!

PS. In 6 weeks its March 21, the first day of Spring making the prediction the same both ways. Still, its cute and fun.