In my memory....

It was very hard to write about my Tayta's death. I spent several hours writing this. Truthfully, words cannot describe it.


One week ago on Sunday February 10, 2007 at 4:45pm my beloved grandmother departed from this life.

She had been ill with cancer for approximately 2 months before she died at age 76. My Tayta lived a long, hard, but very happy life. She always loved to be around her people and always went with a smile on her face. She was everyone's friend, mother, sister and grandmother. She never spoke a mean word and kept her dislikes to herself. She was beautiful.

For three days before her passing, she was very ill. We were by her bedside nonstop, because her energy level was dropping. She had no more physical strength and only used it when she sat up from her bed to do her Namaz, as-salaat.

The night before her death, I showed her the picture of the my newborn cousin, Noor. She cried out, "MashAllah! MashAllah!" It was the last true smile and the last voiced out words I heard from my Tayta. We also told her that my uncle was coming the next day from Missouri. With a smile, she nodded.

Sunday started as a beautiful day. And my Tayta got steadily worse. We gave her painkillers and drops of water to avoid her mouth from drying. We continually checked her blood pressure but, we couldn't get a reading because it was very low. We continually checked her feet to see if it was cold to the touch. Her left foot was cold.

Her eyes started to linger on people or objects. We hardly understood what she was trying to say. We think she started to see beyond. She would look in my direction, but not at me. Several times, she said, "kahwa". Coffee. She might have been telling me get coffee for my mothers friends, or she might have been telling someone else kahwa. She prayed her last salaat, the Dhur at around 2:00.

I cleaned her face and hands with a moist Wet One. She gave me a look of thanks and I kissed her cheeks.At 3:00pm, I told my grandmother that my uncle is coming in a half hour. She looked out the window. And told my mom she wanted my uncle, her youngest son, to read Surat Yasin. We said he would. He arrived at 3:35.

The weather turned blustery cold and snow was swirling in all directions. She asks my uncle how is his family, his wife, son and newborn daughter. He answers that they are all fine. As my uncle was making wudu my Tayta informed us at 3:45 that she had one hour left. She either told us she had one hour or told whoever she saw to give her one hour.

She reads Yasin with my uncle. At this point she is ripping the oxygen tubes away from her face. She kisses my mom's hand. Though she often said that she kisses her mothers hands before she goes to sleep. We gather around her bed and I'm on the phone with the nurse. We know her time is coming, but desperately I ask for help. She starts saying "La-illah-il Allah.." And my mother, father, uncle, my brothers, and 3 of my mother's friends start to say it with her, "La-illah-il Allah, La-illah-il Allah, La-illah-il Allah." Desperately we say it loud, but she motions for us to say it slowly and in normal tones. My uncle holds her eyes shut while my mother holds her mouth/jaw.

She dies peacefully with Allah's name on her lips. It's 4:45 and the wintry blustery wind dies down. It was quick and quite beautiful.

She wasn't afraid. Her faith carried her beautifully from this life. She waited for the new baby and for the arrival of my uncle. It was the most remarkable(?) moment of my life. She was absolutely loved by all. The kindness she bestowed to everyone is reflected by the kindness we receive from everyone. Kind words, messages, phone calls, and tons of food make the sorrow in our hearts lessen. On behalf of my family- an eternity of thanks.

We know she is in a better more beautiful place. Already, some relatives see my Tayta, Allah yirhamha, in their dreams. She is comfortable, al7amdulilah.

The toughest days for me were the day before she died, the day of her death and the 2 days that followed. I only functioned on pure adrenaline and the need to do something. I have since returned to classes and work. Going back to routine and normal life helps keep the grief off my mind. My job now is to take care of my mother, my family and myself. She is my example of strength, goodness, faith and hope.

If I can be a quarter of the woman she is, I'll be very happy. May God give me strength to move on with my life with the excellent example of my grandmother, my Tayta, Allah yirhamha.